The Essential List 16. Rufina’s Objects of Transition
The Total Rec writer shares a perfume that embodies her strength, her favorite pants and tee, a protective Basque charm, and explores why we're all so obsessed with stuff.
In February 2024, Total Rec burst onto the scene, offering a fresh and critical perspective on shopping and consumption. Rufina, the voice behind
, is making waves with her newsletter that encourages people to think critically about what they buy. Her writing challenges the status quo, sparks conversations that resonate deeply, and always feels incredibly timely and relevant. If you're looking for a fresh perspective on fashion and the relentless pursuit of 'stuff,' Rufina’s writing is a must-read.I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to chat with Rufina and explore the experiences that have contributed to her unique perspective. First, Rufina shares her essential objects of transition — items that represent moments or transitions from this past transformative year, where she sold her business and embarked on two pilgrimage walks — one in Spain and one in Japan. Then, I share our Q&A about how she went from anthropology to marketing, the evolution of
, and her reflections on why we're all so obsessed with stuff.
Shoyeido River Path Incense I picked up this small box of Shoyeido River path (hori-kawa) incense in Kyoto, and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. It’s warm, lingering, and reminds me a bit of Aesop’s Murasaki. Truly lovely.
Eileen Fisher Silk Pants My uniform has changed a lot this year, and I’ve noticed a theme: all my favorite pants are silk or blend silk and cotton. They’re lightweight, versatile for travel, and can be dressed up or down—perfect for transitioning between different settings while staying comfortable and luxe. I can’t find my exact pair, but these are a similar pair from the same brand.
Eguzkilore Charm On my Camino de Santiago, I was traveling light, but I made room for this charm. The Eguzkilore is a flower that Basques believe offers protection. I found it in the town where my grandmother lived, and it’s now a reminder of family and roots when I can’t be there.
Mujer Fuerte Perfume I recently bought this perfume from a boutique that was closing. It’s the perfect balance of masculine and feminine, with a grounding palo santo note. The name, Mujer Fuerte, really captures the strength I’ve been channeling this year. I’ll always associate it with that beautiful boutique.
Wales Bonner Knit Tee With all the hiking and traveling I’ve done, this year’s packing has leaned sportier. I love this Wales Bonner knit tee for its versatility—it works as a travel tee but can be dressed up a bit. It’s perfect with black silk pants and sneakers for a sporty, polished look.
Replenix Eye Cream This one’s a bit of a mystery to me. I’m on my third bottle but can’t remember how it first entered my life! It’s been great for this year of transition—covering everything from sleepless nights to tears of joy. Its color-matching abilities seem to work, no matter my winter pallor or summer tan.
Earlier this year, Rufina launched her newsletter,
, with a post about dupes for the High Sport Kick Pant — the $960 pants that have taken the internet by storm. The response was overwhelming, with one reader commenting, “The Substack I didn’t realize I needed till I started reading it!!!” We've all been hooked ever since.Tell me about your background and what you’re doing today
I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior and culture. As a little girl, I didn’t really dream of a house with a white picket fence—I dreamed of traveling the world and immersing myself in new cultures and landscapes. I studied anthropology with a focus on ethnomusicology, which allowed me to live all over the world.
I spent time with Rajasthani musicians in the desert of India, interviewed Romany musicians across Eastern Europe, and lived in Peru learning about Andean indigenous music. My dream was to work at the Smithsonian when I graduated, and I was lucky to be there—but I graduated shortly after a recession hit, and I quickly realized that dreams don’t pay the bills. So, I turned to marketing—because what better way to use my deep desire to understand human culture than by figuring out the best way to sell people stuff they don’t need?
I spent my days reading about add-ons and aggressive upsells, thinking, “Great, I’ve officially mastered the dark art of making people buy things they didn’t even want.”
At first, I actually found it pretty interesting. I enjoyed learning how to write ad copy and run ads, diving into human psychology and desire—even if the purpose wasn’t exactly world-changing. Still, I was good at it, and I made the money I needed to survive. Slowly but surely, my debts started to shrink, and with each promotion, I moved up the ranks. Eventually, I became Head of International Marketing, using my anthropology skills to adapt American campaigns for markets all over the world. I spent most of the year traveling internationally, and for a while, I felt confident and comfortable.
Eventually, I ventured out on my own and started a performance marketing agency, writing and running ads. At first, it was fun—until the ad landscape got so crowded that my tactics had to get more aggressive, like survival of the sneakiest. Then I realized everyone else was doing the same thing, just trying to keep up. I spent my days reading about add-ons and aggressive upsells, thinking, “Great, I’ve officially mastered the dark art of making people buy things they didn’t even want.”
Deep down, I always knew it was a means to an end, a way to get on my feet, because my real passions were elsewhere. The problem was, I had spent so many years not pursuing what I was truly passionate about that I’d forgotten what they even looked like. The longer I kept going, the harder it was to let go—but I couldn’t ignore the gnawing feeling that this wasn’t for me.
After too many unfruitful calls with expensive and weird life coaches offering advice like “picture your funeral” or “see yourself as a butterfly in a cocoon,” I decided it was time for a break. I took a month off work to walk 500 miles on the Camino de Santiago in Spain, because the route goes right past my grandmother’s home and a lot of my family still lives there.
After an amazing experience on the Camino in Spain, where I did some serious reflecting, I knew it was time to step away from my career in marketing. A month later, I left the agency and took six months off to reset. Naturally, I decided to go on another hike—this time, the Kumano Kodo in Japan, after discovering through a DNA test that my real grandfather was half Japanese.
I was staying in stranger’s homes, and feeling totally out of my element, I felt a bit like the girl I was who used to love learning and reading about culture constantly all those years ago. In a weird twist, I hadn’t even realized that the Camino and the Kumano Kodo are UNESCO “sister pilgrimages.” Completing both earns you the title of Dual Pilgrim and there’s even a ceremony where you get to bang a gong. At the end of the route, this little old man with a Nikon asked if he could take my photo for the visitor center. I felt like such a dork, but honestly, I was thrilled. It was like pure kismet—totally meant to be!
After my break, I felt refreshed and inspired to start something new. This past winter, I decided it was time to try something different and set a goal to write weekly for a few months. I was working part-time, helping a friend with their business, and began writing
on the side. I’m still figuring it all out.It seems like your initial newsletter idea may have been different than what it has become. What was your original vision and how has it evolved?
Writing ads for a living made me realize how unbearable the internet had become for shopping. It feels chaotic, with ads everywhere, lacking transparency, and incentivized reviews pushing people to buy. I wanted to create a space for honest, unbiased reviews without the usual push to consume. I envisioned crowd-sourced reviews and decided to start with my own.
When I launched with the High Sport pants review, the newsletter took off much faster than I expected. The quick response was exciting, but after going through the process, I realized that buying and returning so many products just to review them was so wasteful. Doing a haul myself felt gross and misaligned with my values.
I suddenly had a lot of readers, so I shifted my focus to writing about what I knew: advertising, my industry experience, and consumerism. While I still provide honest reviews and crowdsource information, constant product reviews every week aren’t sustainable—the feedback I’ve received also suggests readers prefer more in depth research and genuinely good product recommendations over super frequent hauls.
The volume of products pushed on people daily is staggering. Since I don’t accept gifted items, or get revenue from brand deals or affiliate links, I’m able to focus on more meaningful content and explore broader topics like advertising, consumer behavior, and culture.
Your writing has really struck a nerve — often I read it and I feel like you’re in my head, but you can express it so much better than I could. Why do you think people resonate so strongly with your content?
I think my writing resonates because it comes from a place of real, shared conflict. We somehow survived the girl boss era and are heading for what I’d call an influencer hangover, where we’ve been sold the idea that a good life comes from stuff. For a while, that idea was seductive. When I was younger, it felt empowering to work hard, buy cute makeup, and feel like I was achieving something. But now, I think a lot of women, myself included, are exhausted. We’re realizing that buying things over and over doesn’t actually fulfill us.
For me, the shift came slowly—from realizing that life is actually more liberating with less stuff—better stuff, sure—but ultimately, it’s our time that matters most. Time is nonrefundable.
At the same time, we still love the creativity of fashion and the joy in curating beautiful things. There’s a constant push-pull—enjoying fashion while recognizing that endless consumption isn’t necessary for it. I feel it too. I read about climate change, capitalism, and challenging power structures, yet I still catch myself sometimes before going for a walk thinking, “Maybe I need a nicer jacket for this.” when the one I’m wearing is perfectly good.
I used to beat myself up a lot about this. But I realized that I’ve never really changed my behavior through shame or by someone telling me I’m wrong and they’re morally superior. For me, the shift came slowly—from realizing that life is actually more liberating with less stuff—better stuff, sure—but ultimately, it’s our time that matters most. Time is nonrefundable. And now, more than ever, it’s being hijacked by advertisers, influencers, and brands all competing to make money online. Deep down, we all feel it—that something is off, that time is limited, and we might not be spending it in the best way—because we’re human, and none of us can escape that experience.
I also wonder, why do you think we’re all so obsessed with talking about shopping and STUFF?
For starters, we’re bombarded with an insane number of ads every day. I read 347 per day for the average American—which is still hard to believe. But whatever the real number is, it’s way too much.
We’ve been conditioned from a young age to associate happiness with getting things. I see it with my nieces—they walk in and the first thing they ask is, “What do you have for me?” From early on, we’re taught: throw a tantrum, get a toy. Christmas becomes all about the presents, and when we feel down, we reach for a little treat. It shows how we’ve been trained to chase quick fixes instead of seeking real fulfillment.
Now people are lonelier, communities are weaker, and we understandably crave security—which, in our society, often means accumulating more things. There’s also something really cynical, and weirdly normalized, about how we now talk about brands like they’re our friends or celebrities now. People say things like, “Gap totally ATE with that campaign,” and I’m left wondering—why do we really care this much about brands? It’s surprising how comfortable we’ve become with constant advertising—it feels like a distorted, sadomasochistic reaction.
We’ve been taught that when we’re bored, tired, or in need of comfort, we can shop to “cope”—it doesn’t really work, but it’s become a cycle that’s hard to break when there’s little support for other options.
The other day, I knew intellectually that sugar would make me feel terrible, but I still bought a gorgeous, candy apple. Why? Because it was beautifully displayed, I kept seeing ads for it everywhere, and the grapes didn’t look nearly as cute or enticing. Most days, I feel fine, but that day I didn’t—what I knew rationally hadn’t quite caught up with my emotions. I was overwhelmed and gave in to the temptation because it felt like a quick fix.
Of course, it made me feel pretty bad afterward. And then I started thinking, what if I felt like this every day? What if I didn’t have the time or the tools I’ve learned to cope? That’s the reality for so many people. We’ve been taught that when we’re bored, tired, or in need of comfort, we can shop to “cope”—it doesn’t really work, but it’s become a cycle that’s hard to break when there’s little support for other options.
Understanding why shopping feels good could help us find better, healthier alternatives. It’s worth asking: What is it about shopping that gives me comfort or fun? Who convinces me that I need to feel good all the time? What’s missing in my life that keeps me chasing that feeling? And how can I find it in ways that are better for me and more sustainable for everyone else?
You have a very active community on Substack — what are some common threads you see in the comments and chat? What’s the vibe?
My Substack readers are truly the best part of writing. They’re incredibly smart, kind, and helpful. I feel pushed to think in ways I never could have on my own.
A lot of people talk about trying to shop less, and many say they feel great after taking a break. At the same time, quite a few admit they’re finding it difficult to cut back and make it work. It reminds me of the crossover with diet culture or “no buy” challenges, where people can feel stuck or even ashamed when they struggle to stick to it. But the support from others has been really encouraging and helpful.
Another thing I’ve noticed…so many people are traveling to Vienna right now? What’s going on with Vienna, guys? I feel like I’m constantly seeing people asking for recommendations there.
But the main desire I’ve noticed is that people truly want quality clothes at a reasonable price. I am constantly researching this – It’s challenging to find these days.
Do you think any brands are doing it well? Are there any small brands you think more people should know about?
Some brands are doing it well but are barely surviving. Mara Hoffman shutting down was such a bummer, and now Ilana Kohn announced this week that this will be her last season. Go support while you can!
A few small and responsible brands I can think of: LF Markey for great pants. I wore a couple great Rujuta Sheth pieces this summer. Jungmaven for good basic tees. Incausa incense is always on rotation.
My friend met this bag designer in Dublin and gave me a tote from MÁLA — the straps are super sturdy, they are made from nylon rope. The bags are all really well crafted and cute.
Overall, I don’t buy new clothing very often. Most of the time, about 90%, I’m purchasing vintage designer pieces or secondhand items that I thrift or find through resale.
What is the last thing you bought that you feel really good about? How did you find out about it?
When I’m in Japan, I can’t help but freak out when I visit the basement of department stores or stationery shops. The pens and notebooks seriously get my heart racing.
Last time I was there, I picked up a simple Kakuno Fountain Pen. It’s clear, so you can see the ink inside, and it writes like a dream!
I also grabbed some Yamamoto Tomoe River Paper Pads, which are perfect for fountain pens. Sadly, this paper won’t be around forever, so I’ve been driving myself nuts, only using it for my “best thoughts”—like a total perfectionist. Maybe I’ll go wild and write a grocery list on it soon, just to live a little!
Thank you, Rufina, for always inspiring me to think differently. I truly appreciate the content you share with the world. See you in Vienna?
The Essential List is paywall-free and available to everyone. You can support this newsletter by liking this post, leaving a comment, and sharing it with anyone who you think would enjoy it. Thanks for being here!
 | A guest post by
|
Thank you so much, Laura. It was so great to connect with you. Definitely see you in Vienna :D
Rufina's essays always get me re-thinking what am I even doing with my life (and credit card)? lol. Loved this look into the Total Rec origin story.
Also you are the best interviewer / you come up with the most thoughtful questions! Inviting myself to the Vienna Substack offsite!